Listen instead!

About twenty minutes ago I hit that no- good cheating bastard Randy Leeman with a meat tenderizer. I’d had my suspicions for months.  Mysterious phone calls, evasive answers and the scent of another woman, all the signs were there.  It took some snooping, but I finally tracked him to his cousin’s trailer shoved in the corner of a scuzzy trailer park.
+++++I pulled up right as his slut was leaving. Through the dust and gravel I was only able to make out a brunette head in a blue Mazda. I rang the doorbell; like I was his whore and I’d forgotten something and I was trying to be cute.  This piece of shit answered the door stark naked.  I punched him in the face and we fell inside the cramped trailer.  Sometime during this fracas I wrapped my hand around the tenderizer and hit Randy upside his cheating head. The clunk of the hammer smacking flesh felt like an orgasm.  Problem was Randy’s eyes went blank and blood started gushing. I’d been mad as hell when I saw that woman leave and I’d been mad as hell when Randy answered the door, but I swear I hadn’t been murder- the -bastard mad.
+++++I’ll admit I panicked a little bit. Sure, I could call the cops, but my family was mad enough I’d put off school to marry Randy.  They’d be fit- to- be- tied they found out on the evening news that I’d done gone and killed him.
+++++I opened the trailer door and took a long look around. Nothing. Luckily it was the middle of the afternoon on a pretty Halloween Sunday. Everyone was either hunting, watching football on TV or preparing for Halloween. I grabbed his keys sitting on the counter and I slid my hands under Randy’s naked arm pits. It took me almost twenty minutes to get his ass over to his car.  I opened the trunk with his body precariously balanced on my knee. Thankfully, it didn’t take me nearly as long to dump Randy’s body in the car.  I covered him up with some jackets and blankets he kept in case the Appalachian weather turned treacherous.  Fighting my instincts, I didn’t hit the gas Dukes of Hazzard-style.  I drove out of the trailer park at a normal speed.  No need to give anyone a reason to notice me.
+++++I drove for a while, aimless, just trying to process what I’d done. A few miles down the road the adrenaline started dying and I began swerving onto the gravely shoulder.  On the second swerve the steering lurched to the right and I heard a thumping sound.  Fuck! A flat was the last thing I needed.  I spotted a church up a ways and pulled into the parking lot.  As soon as I shut the car off my eyelids started to get heavy and I fell into a hard sleep.  I awoke to a knocking on my window and a plump face framed in red hair.
+++++“You ok, honey? Looks like you got a flat.
+++++“Wh-what?” I asked, trying to shake off my nap.
+++++“Your tire is flat…and your hands. Are you here for the Trunk or Treat?”
+++++“Wha—Yeah,” I said, looking at Randy’s dried blood on my hands. “Just part of my costume.  Halloween and all.    I was on my way to get some candy and I got this flat.  Figured there’d be people to help here.”
+++++“’Course, honey. We’ll help you once we get all set up.  You’re in a good spot right now so I’ll send  one of the men over once we get a bit more situated. Great costume!  Really gruesome! ”
+++++I flashed a weary smile and the woman scurried off toward a makeshift pile of hay bales. Over the next hour or so the parking lot filled up with minivans and pick-up trucks.  People busied around decorating their cars with hay, scarecrows and other Halloween-type stuff.  A few of them were dressed up.
+++++So as not to look suspicious, well any more suspicious than I already did, I popped the trunk and began tucking the jackets and blankets around Randy’s body. I left the head wound visible.
+++++“Wow, that’s amazing! It almost looks real,” said a woman dressed like a skeleton as she walked toward me, her hands full of bags of candy. “Brandy told me you was needing some candy.” She thrust three family-sized bags of mini-candy bars at me.
+++++“Thanks.”
+++++“That’s no problem, sweetie.   I have plenty.  Brought a bunch for the kids.”
+++++I tore the bags open and covered Randy’s body in Baby Ruths, Snickers and Three Musketeers.
+++++The kids started to show up as the sun dipped further down behind the mountains. Ole Randy got his fair share of “oohs” and “ahhs.”  Kids giggled as they reached for the candy and grazed Randy’s bare hands and feet.  A few skeptical parents gave me disapproving glances, but overall Randy and I were a hit. About eight-thirty the kids started to get sleepy and it looked as though things were starting to wind down. Everyone’d been having so much fun no one had come by to check on my tire.  I wasn’t going to take any more chances.  I threw the keys in the car and locked the doors.
+++++In all the commotion of packing up no one noticed me disappear into the woods behind the church.  Looking at the dried blood on my hands in the moonlight and picturing Randy still contorted in the car’s trunk covered in candy, I smiled.  All things considered, it had been a pretty good Halloween.

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Zachary Wilhide

Zach Wilhide has had stories published in Shotgun Honey. To contact him simply follow the sounds of heavy metal, foul language and weight plates slamming on the ground—he answers to the name of “Whyte Devil.”

Latest posts by Zachary Wilhide (see all)

• Trunk Or Treat - October 26, 2015
• Bogus Deal - August 18, 2015
• Eating Dirt - May 16, 2015