Laughing All the Way to Hell
by Glen Bush

Only the weeping of a lone hawk and the metallic groan of an oncoming barge intruded upon Jack Willis’s solace. He felt relief lying against the smooth length of driftwood. To his left, a Great Blue Heron stood staring into a swirling pool of muddy Mississippi water, patiently waiting for his unsuspecting prey. Jack leaned forward, forearms on his knees, and thought about the heron, hawk, and him all having one thing in common, the inherent ability to hunt, kill, and devour whatever would nourish them.
+++++“Hey, Jack! How long ya gonna sit on that damn log? We’re burnin’ daylight. Let’s get to steppin’,” yelled younger brother Harvey.
+++++“Yeah, yeah. I know. Just needed to rest a bit more.”
+++++Mulling over their years together, Jack thought about Harv’s problem. “That damn boy just jumps like a damn frog. I don’t think he ever thought about what he was doin’ before he did it. Laughing and running. Just do it quick and hard and forget about it. No matter what. Just doin’ it accounts for half the scars on his face. His face? Hell, my face, too!” With that last thought, Jack turned toward his brother and started laughing loud and hard. He had to admit it, he loved it all.
+++++“I’m comin’. Ya got any more of them potato chips and cold drinks?” Harvey tossed Jack a can of grape soda and an open bag of crushed potato chips.
+++++“You got any other flavor besides grape in that cooler?”
+++++“Nope. That’s it. Ya drank all of the cola and root beer yesterday. Now ya stuck with my drink.” Laughing, Harvey tossed a small rock at his brother and asked, “Say, how much longer before we get to the city?”
+++++“Hour, maybe hour and a half. Not more’n that.”
+++++“Ya think Uncle Ernie and Aunt Mable will be happy to see us?”
+++++Jack looked around the shoreline, avoiding Harvey’s direction, then with the smoothness of bus station pimp, he lied, “Sure, thing Harv, they ain’t seen us in a couple of years. They ain’t gonna hold no grudges against us. Blood’s thicker’n water. Besides, it wasn’t you that did anything. I’m the one that pissed ‘em off. But I sent that money to ‘em about a year ago. Sent ‘em a money order so’s they’d get it, and it wouldn’t get stole. Remember, I told you right after I sent it?”
+++++“Yeah, Jack, I remember, but I was just thinkin’ that if they don’t let us stay with’em, then we gotta find someplace else to stay and that may not be easy. We ain’t exactly got mucho dinero.”
+++++“Harvey, forget about it. Let’s get goin’. I’ll drive and ya can sleep so’s ya won’t be thinkin’ about what could happen. Hell, the sun could burn up but it ain’t. Just sleep. Things will work out fine as Mama’s pie.”
+++++“Mom couldn’t bake for shit, hahahaha.”

***

Ernie and Mabel lived in a cookie-cutter house on a cookie-cutter street in a cookie-cutter subdivision. In 1965, when the subdivision was built, it was a pretty place to live. Clean. Green. Young saplings that would grow into tall trees like the youngsters that would grow into tall adults had peppered the neighborhood. But now the streets were dirty and the houses little more than rundown shacks, mostly turned rental property. What had been a dream neighborhood had decayed into something just short of a nightmare.
+++++Standing in the front yard of the yellow crackerjack house was Ernie Willis staring down at his quiet lawnmower. As the red pick-up pulled into the driveway, Harvey yelled and waved, “Hey, Uncle Ernie, it ain’t gonna run by jest lookin’ at it. Ya gotta pull that little rope to get it started. Ha, ha, ha.” Jack did not say anything. From the driver’s seat, he stared at his uncle and the paling yellow house behind him. Thinking. Remembering.
+++++“Iffen y’all think ya can do a better job than me, just get yer boney asses out of that broke down Ford and come over here and pull all y’all want.” Ernie’s words were spoken as though they were the latest words from a longer conversation that had been going on since breakfast. There was no surprise in Ernie’s voice. Looking at the lawnmower and his nephews was the same. They were simply there, the lawnmower and the two nephews, sitting as though the three were waiting for Ernie to do something miraculous. Ernie, though, had nothing except a blank stare and an unpleasant memory.
+++++Jack got out and walked around the front of the truck. “Ya got gas in that thing?”
+++++“Hell ya, I got gas in that thing! Y’all think I’m as dumb as some of the family?”
+++++“Hey, Ernie, I’m just askin’. Don’t mean no harm.”
+++++“What y’all doin’ here? Runnin’ from john law? Last we heard y’all were down on the coast workin’ on fishin’ boats.”
+++++“Shrimp boats. Shrimpers. Not fishin’ boats,” corrected Harvey.
+++++“We was, but then we left. It was a little too hot on the coast for us.”
+++++“Too hot? Hot? Y’all mean Harvey here got hisself into another mess and you had to get his ass out before ya both went to jail or got killed, right Jack?”
+++++“I didn’t say all of that. I said it was too hot, and that’s what I meant, too damn hot.” Jack’s words came slow and soft with a touch of venom.
+++++“Truth is, Uncle Ernie, me and Jack just got too damn tired of eatin’ shrimp three times a day every day. We needed to come back home and get some of Aunt Mable’s cookin’. We was starvin’ for some of that pot roast with them potatoes and carrots.”
+++++Ernie looked at his two nephews for another moment and then looked down at the still lawnmower and then up at his front door. “Come on in the house and say hello to yer Aunt Mable.” Before moving, though, Ernie Willis tilted his head a bit and took a side-ways, distrustful look at the two drifters. He had known these two boys all their lives, and he could tell when they were lying. Jack and Harvey were drifters and liars, and that the old man knew as well as the sun rising in the east.
+++++“Hey, Mable, honey, look who jest drove up. Our lovin’ nephews, Harvey and Jack. Come see, honey.” Ernie had let the door close a little as the two were walking into the house so that Harvey, walking in front of Jack, had to stick his right hand out and stop the slow moving, closing door.
+++++“Hey, Aunt Mable, come on out here so Jack and me can give ya a big hug,” called Harvey in his loud, boyish voice.
+++++Out of the side bedroom came a short, squat woman wearing baggy pink walking shorts, flipflops, and an oversize Disney World tee-shirt. Her thin, graying hair was partially held in place by three silver bobby pins. What was not held in place, fell haphazardly toward her rounded, overworked shoulders.
+++++“Well, lord oh lord, I’d never had thought to see y’all two boys this morning when I woke up. No siree. Not a’tall.” Mable took a couple of steps into the living room and stopped and held her arms wide open, waiting to hug her two nephews. “Well, come to yer Auntie and let me hug y’all. Don’t call. Don’t write. Worry me to death. Ernie and me were jest talkin’ about yer poor mama and daddy the other day. Still can’t believe they been gone five years now. Horrible. And, then you two don’t call or nuthin’.” Her smile was broad but not broad enough to cover the lie she spoke next, “I missed y’all so much.”
+++++Stretching her arms around both men, she tried to squeeze the roots of wickedness from them while her husband looked on, slowly shaking his head, and eventually moving his line of sight to his lawnmower.

***

The sun was setting. Gold and purple slashes cut the evening horizon. A sliver of the sun clung to the western tree line before sinking into darkness. The four sat in lawn chairs sipping beers and watching the sun. Finally, Mabel asked the question that each knew had to come.
+++++“Well, Jack, what happened down there on the coast? None of yer damn lies. Just tell it straight, without any twists or bends.”
+++++“Tell’em, Jack,” coaxed his brother.
+++++Staring coldly into Ernie’s eyes, then moving them to Mabel’s, he said, “Okay, might as well get to it. See, Uncle Ernie,” seemingly ignoring his aunt, “like the sun there, me and Harvey need to move West and settle into some place we can be rid of these damn Cajuns. They’re worse than a pack of blue ticks on a treed coon. We got this idea that they ain’t gonna let us go easy what with it being their cousin that died. It wasn’t our fault the kid died. It was an accident. We all was drinkin’ and talkin’ and ribbin’ one another when that young Cajun, Boudreaux, got all pissed and hit me with his fish club. Damn thing hurt like hell! Like gettin’ hit with a sawed-off cue stick.” More out of memory than pain, Jack rubbed behind his right ear.
+++++“Yeah, Uncle Ernie, Jack’s tellin’ the God’s truth there. That boy sure knew how to handle that fish banger.” Harvey reached over and forced Jack’s head to turn to the left. An odd shaped lump poked out from Jack’s short hair.
+++++Jerking his head violently away from his brother’s hand, Jack yelled, “Keep yer damn hands off me and shut the hell up, Harv. I’m tellin’ this. I don’t need yer damn two cents.”
+++++Ernie held up both of his hands, palms outward. He did not need to hear any more of the story. Looking at his two nephews, he shook his head, looked at the ground, and shook his head again. Without saying anything else, Ernie reached into the small Styrofoam cooler next to him and pulled out a can of beer. Popping the beer, he took a long swig of it, then set it down on the concrete step, and looked back at the two again. Finally, he said, “Listen, boys, I don’t know if y’all tellin’ me the truth or not, but” and then holding up his hand again, stopping Harvey from saying anything else, “I don’t care much about no damn Cajun on some shrimp boat in the Gulf of Mexico. I figure y’all runnin’ from them folks ‘cause they got sumthin’ on ya, and y’all think me and Mable will be a soft touch and help y’all hide out for a while. But we ain’t gonna do that. I ain’t forgot how y’all two stole our money the last time y’all was here. Fifty dollars. That may not be much to some folks, but fifty dollars goes a long ways toward groceries for us. Yer both thieves. Y’all thinkin’ cause we family we ain’t gonna say much, especially to the law. Well, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’ to the law, but I ain’t sayin’ anything good about neither of y’all peckerwoods. Y’all like a lot of them backwoods peckerwoods that calls themselves Willis or Wills or whatever they think will best work at the time. Nope. Not at all. This is what I’m sayin’ and I want y’all both to know I ain’t talkin’ to hear my teeth rattle. When y’all finish that beer of yers, get yer asses back in that raggedly ass truck and head West or North or East or straight to hell, but I want y’all gone like yesterday gone. I don’t want y’all robbin’ no gas station so I’m gonna give ya a hundred dollars to get ya movin’ and Mable’s already got a sack of sandwiches and such along with a six pack of beer waitin’ for y’all. We don’t want ya two causin’ any trouble around here. We want ya to jest get and get quick.” Ernie Willis stood up, crushed the beer can in his left hand, tossed it in the open trash bin, and turned back toward the kitchen door.
+++++Jack stood up and walked over to Ernie, half blocking the old man’s path. “Uncle Ernie, hold on. Me and Harv didn’t do nuthin’ wrong. I swear it on Grandma Eunice’s grave. We didin’t. We jest askin’ for a little lift up until we can get things figured out. And we . . .”
+++++“Ernie! We didn’t steal yer goddamn money. We borrowed it. Don’t go callin’ us thieves. We yer kin. Yer blood. Besides, Jack sent ya a money order for the whole damn amount.”
+++++Ernie did not take his eyes off Jack but did wave his right hand at Harvey as though he were shooing flies.
+++++“Besides, Ernie, a hundred dollars? Hundred? What the hell is a stinkin’ hundred dollars gonna do for me and Jack. A goddamn hundred dollars? Are ya fuckin’ shittin’ me!”
+++++Harvey, his face and neck crimson, veins pulsating, pushed Jack to the side and leaped in front of his uncle. But before Harv could step any closer or say anything else, Ernie Willis squared around so his body was in a semi-hunched boxing stance and let go with his left fist to Harv’s midsection and a right to his nephew’s crimson jaw, a jaw now being quickly covered with blood.
+++++“Y’all didn’t send no damn money order.” Ernie’s reply was direct and unwavering.
+++++Harvey, looking at his uncle from the ground, tried to think quickly but ended up simply sputtering a “Well . . . well . . . it must’va, . . . y’know . . . must’va got stole by the postman.”
+++++Ernie Willis, the former Army welterweight champ, turned his head toward the door and yelled to his wife, “Mable, honey, bring that sack of food out here for the boys. They got to leave.” Jack bent down and helped his brother to his feet, and then reached into his back pocket for his handkerchief and handed it to Harv to wipe his bleeding mouth.
+++++Mable, who had gone in the house a minute earlier, came out of the house with two plastic grocery sacks and five twenty-dollar bills. “Here ya go, boys. Now, don’t y’all forget to call or write me. Y’all know I want to know how y’all gettin’ along. Maybe ya can send me a postcard of someplace pretty.” Mable’s lies were kind and soft, as though she were truly sincere.
+++++Jack reached out for the bags and handed them to Harvey. Hesitating, Harvey set the bags next to the truck and asked, “Aunt Mabel, you mind if I use yer bathroom before we get goin’? Seems like my stomach’s startin’ to act up and I don’t wanna be on the road and have an embarrassin’ accident.”
+++++“Of course, Harvey, go on.”
+++++With Harvey going into the house, the other three returned to their lawn chairs and started talking as though nothing had been said or done. Jack, keeping an eye on the front door, steered the conversation to his childhood memories of visiting Ernie and Mabel. A cheery calmness settled over the three. When Ernie started to get up and get another beer, Jack jumped up and got it for him while asking still another question about his father, Ernie’s brother.
+++++Years of breaking-and-entering had taught Harvey how to scope out a residence without causing any noticeable reactions. As he walked toward the bathroom, he peeped into the bedroom and saw Mabel’s purse sitting on the dresser. The temptation was too great to let the opportunity pass. Quietly, quickly, coolly, Harvey opened the purse and saw an open envelope from the Social Security Administration. Mabel’s monthly Social Security check had been delivered, and now, instead of the check there rested the cash. Mabel had cashed the check, paid the utilities, and the small bank payment, and brought the rest of the money home for safekeeping. As long as she had her mother’s long wool winter coat, she didn’t need the bank’s services. This time, though, she had forgotten to put the cash in the coat’s inside pocket. Eight hundred twenty-six dollars peeked out of the torn envelope. Harvey put the eight hundred dollars in his pocket and left the twenty-six dollars peeking over the torn edge. Stepping quickly into the bathroom and flushing the toilet, Harvey then washed his hands and face, put on his best “How’ya do, Ma’m” face and went out the front door to meet Jack.
+++++“Wow, thank you, Aunt Mabel, I don’t think I’da got more’n a mile down the road. You’re a real Godsend. Love you both!” While dripping his praises on the couple, he winked at Jack and Jack winked back.
+++++Getting into the driver’s seat, Jack stopped and looked one last time at his aunt and uncle. “Thanks for everything. Y’all be good. Me and Harv love ya.” There was no malice in Jack’s heatless words.
+++++As the pickup backed out of the driveway, Ernie looked down at his wife, and said, “Nuthin’ but liars and drifters lookin’ for the quickest road to hell. Jest like their Daddy and their Granddaddy.”
+++++Mabel smiled and nodded in agreement. “It’s in their blood. They can’t help it. I’m jest glad God saw fit to have that blood skip you.”
+++++It would be another hour before Mabel would go into her bedroom and come out crying. This time, unlike the earlier theft, Ernie called 9-1-1.

***

“Ya think I shoulda taken it?”
+++++“Why not? They got Ernie’s Social Security check. They don’t need both of ’em, right?”
+++++“Yeah, I forgot about Uncle Ernie’s check. Hell, they can spare a little chump change. Ya think Uncle Ernie will call the law?”
+++++“Oh, hell, yes, he will. I bet he’d a called last time, but Aunt Mabel stopped him. Not this time. Both of ‘em are probably fit to be tied. Hahaha.”
+++++“Fuck it!”
+++++“Yeah, fuck it!”

***

“Harv, it’s almost midnight. I’m gettin’ tired of drivin’. Let’s use some of Mabel’s money for a motel room. There’s a Holiday Inn up ahead. Get a nice room, some pizza, and then we can head out in the morning fresh.”
+++++“Sounds like a plan. I’m down for it.”
+++++An hour later the two brothers were lying on clean sheets and eating a supreme pizza and drinking Mabel’s beers. Her sandwiches rested at the bottom of the room’s trashcan.

***

“Y’know, Harv, I was lookin’ at the map a while back when I stopped to piss and you was sleepin’. There’s a town, Brixton, about thirty, forty miles down the next blacktop we cross. Not much of a town, but I’m figurin’ big enough to have a couple of gas stations and maybe a 7-11. I’m thinkin’ we could add a little bit more money to what we got off of Mabel and head up to Canada, maybe even Alaska. Best thing about this town is that it sits close to the intersection of two main highways. We’ll have our choice of all four directions on those highways plus, and this is the good part, there’s also a couple of blacktops headin’ off north and south. Cops will probably think we jumped on one of them highways, so they’ll be keepin’ an eye out on them while we hightail it north on the blacktop. And don’t forget, Ernie probably called the cops. So, as long as ya don’t go gettin’ crazy and hurt some fool, we should be able to make it clean without too much trouble.”
+++++“Don’t go talkin’ that crap again, Jack. Y’know . . . ,” before Harvey could say anything else, Jack held up his hand, stopping his little brother.

***

Two hours later, with their ski masks pulled over their faces, and their revolvers pointing at the lone elderly woman behind the counter, Jack yelled, “Empty that cash register into this here bag. Make sure ya throw in the back up cash and coins too. No funny stuff or you’ll regret it.”
+++++Harvey stood close to the front doors watching the overweight, red-headed truck driver climb into his semi. As the truck pulled out of the lot, Harvey yelled, “Speed it up, grandma, or ya won’t be seein’ them grandkids again!”
+++++Brixton’s main street was the old state highway that led to the two Interstates a half-mile away. The northbound traffic headed toward one of the two Interstates while the southbound traffic headed to the truck stop diner a quarter mile south and a meandering blue highway. No one noticed Jack and Harvey robbing grandma. It was two-thirty in the afternoon. Most of the lunch folks were back at work. The school kids wouldn’t be hanging around for another forty-five minutes. Grandma’s business was dead.
+++++“Yeah. Yeah. I gotcha. I ain’t doin’ nuthin’ stupid. Just take the money and get the hell out.” Grandma’s robotic movement quickly began annoying the two brothers. Bending over, grunting, and standing back up, she yelled to Harv, “Hey, you, by the door. Help me move these two boxes under the counter. The cash reserve is behind ‘em.” Harvey looked away from the parking lot and at the old woman and then at his brother. Jack motioned for him to help the woman move the boxes.
+++++“Thanks. I got a bad back and can’t move too much stuff.”
+++++Her conversation was enough to keep Harvey and Jack from noticing the squad car pulling into the parking space near the end of the building. The police officer got out of his car and started walking toward the front door. It was 2:40pm, afternoon coffee time for Trooper Bill Smith, and grandma had the time pegged to the minute. When she caught a glimpse of the Trooper walking toward the door, she quickly motioned toward Jack and held up two fingers. The Willis brothers were busy looking at the two boxes wedged under the counter. Trooper Smith, seeing the revolver in Jack’s hand, stopped, and stepped in between the ice machine and a head-high stack of firewood. Instead of entering the store, he removed his Glock and readied himself for the two to come outside. It was a gamble, but the officer was putting his wad on the old woman. Maybe she’s old, he thought, but she’s as clever as a she-fox.
+++++Once the two stepped outside the store and away from the doorway, the officer yelled his command, “Drop your weapons and get down on the ground!”
+++++Harvey was the first to respond to the commands. He turned and looked into the officer’s eyes, and then raised the muzzle of his revolver and fired. The officer returned fire with his service weapon striking Harvey in the chest. Before the officer could squeeze off another round, Jack fired two rounds into the officer’s midsection.
+++++“Come on, Harv! Get in the truck! We gotta get outta here!”
+++++Jack helped his brother into the passenger’s seat of the truck and ran around to the driver’s side. He never looked back at the dying officer. As he drove out of the parking lot, the old woman ran out of the store talking on her cell phone. While talking, she knelt next to Trooper Bill Smith and tried to stop his bleeding with the cleaning towels she had grabbed on her way around the counter. Smith died before she placed the first towel on him.

***

Driving past the on-ramp and over the highway, Jack made it to the blacktop a quarter mile past the north-south Interstate. He was going too fast to notice the farmer climbing onto his tractor or the two boys riding their bikes along the gravel shoulder.
+++++Laughing loudly, Jack exclaimed, “Damn! Harv, we made it! Just like I planned it. Grab the money and hit the blacktop. Although I gotta admit, Harv, I wasn’t countin’ on ya shootin’ that cop.” He looked over at his brother. Harv was leaning his head against the side window. Blood covered his clothes. His shallow breathing barely stirred the air around him.
+++++“Hey, Harv, you’re all right, ain’tcha? Say you’re all right! Damn it! Say it!” Harv opened his eyes and looked at his brother. A faint smile came across his lips. Harvey whispered, “Sure thing, brother.”

***

“They headed north for the highway. Let’s spread out and see what we can find. I think they’re the same fellows we got that call about early this morning. Either way, I’ve already radioed the troopers along the highway to keep their eyes open.” Lead Trooper John Campbell spoke in a steady, brusque voice, “Let’s go!” His five squad cars spun out of the parking lot while the EMT officers took care of the dead officer.
+++++Campbell radioed the others to take both directions of the highway while he and another car went across the viaduct and past the highway ramps. The farmer, seeing the troopers driving past his field, stopped his tractor and waved and hollered to the troopers. Pointing his arm in the direction of the blacktop, he signaled what he thought would help. The two boys dropped their bikes and ran along the gravel, also yelling and pointing toward the sandy road cutting sharply off the blacktop. Harv and Jack had underestimated the farmer and boys. The troopers gave a quick wave and drove straight for the sandy road and the river. When they came to the turnoff angling toward the Red River, they slowed up. Reaching the old dumping area filled with bald tires, broken furniture, and a dead dog, the three troopers grabbed their weapons and silently waited for Campbell’s orders.
+++++“I’m thinking them boys headed to the river to hide out ’til dark. They’re thinking they’re some modern-day Machine Gun Kelly and Baby Face Nelson, and we’re too dumb to think about this river road. It looked like Bill hit one of them boys, so he’ll be bleeding. Their tracks shouldn’t be too hard to follow. Just be ready to shoot. They’re already desperate.”
+++++“Copy that, Lieutenant.”
+++++“Yeah, me and Pike are right beside you, John.” The trooper nodded and tapped the butt of his Glock.
+++++Lieutenant John Campbell held up his hand and said, “Listen, I know you’re mad about Bill getting shot, but let’s not make this into the O.K. Corral.” His squint blocked out part of the sunlight, leaving an expression that added an extra meaning to his words. The three nodded.
+++++Fanning out in a line parallel to the river’s edge, the four troopers moved quietly forward. Ahead of them, a dozen feet from the muddy river, lying with their backs against a large piece of driftwood, Jack and Harvey Willis watched a barge making its way downstream.
+++++“Yeah, Harv, if we was on that barge, we’d be in high cotton. Not a cop in the state would find us. We’d be in Memphis or New Orleans before they ever figured out we even left this damn territory. Yep, Harv, that’s what I shoulda planned on us doin’.”
+++++Jack looked over at his brother’s still body and ashen face. He tapped Harvey on the chest with the back of his hand.
+++++“Yeah, that’s it, Harv, next time we’ll head to the river and hop a barge. We’ll pay the captain a little bit and we’ll be free as hummingbirds.”
+++++Harvey had been dead nearly half an hour, but Jack kept talking to him. Jack had heard the police cars, but he never bothered to look around. Instead, he looked at the river flowing south. He did not need to look behind him. There was nothing there for him.
+++++As the officers were stationing themselves behind fallen trees and driftwood, Lt. Campbell yelled to the two murderers, “You boys are pinned in. Nowhere to go but hell. Throw your guns up here then stand up with your hands behind your head.”
+++++“Well, Harv, looks like them cops got some ideas that don’t sit right with us. What’cha think we should do, Harv? Give up or fight? Can’t be too many of ‘em. What’cha think, little brother?” Jack stared into his dead brother’s face and nodded his head.
+++++“Naw, officer, we ain’t gonna do that. We ain’t afraid of hell.”
+++++Then Jack rolled a little to his left and began standing up. He had reached over before he began his roll and pulled Harv’s revolver from his brother’s bloody waistband. With a Smith & Wesson in each hand, Jack stood up and turned toward the State Troopers.
+++++It was all very quick.
+++++When the four State Troopers walked up to the two dead men, they could see Harvey had been dead for some time. Jack’s body was shredded from the volley of Colt M4 and Glock .40 cal ammo. Both dead brothers lay lazily across the long piece of driftwood as though they were holding on to it, waiting for the river to carry them toward the barge heading downstream.

 

[Image Credit : Photo by Brian McMahon` on Unsplash ]

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Glen Bush

Glen Bush is a retired teacher who now lives in the Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri. Since retiring, he has been writing crime noir short stories and urban fiction. While teaching, he published over thirty academic literary articles and book reviews. In addition to his crime fiction, Bush is also working on a novel that blends crime noir and urban issues.
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