GUN, HYPOTHETICAL

GUN, HYPOTHETICAL

July 19, 2018 0 By Darrell Grizzle

“OK, here’s a hypothetical.”

+++++“Hypothetical. Of course.”

+++++“Say a guy pulls a gun on you. You get the gun away from him, and he runs off. Now you have a gun that belonged to a criminal. Probably stolen. What do you do with it?”

+++++“You could call the cops and turn it in.”

+++++“Yeah, but that might raise more questions than it’s worth. If the gun is stolen, you’d get charged with stealing it.”

+++++“And that would probably happen. Cops hate taking a call and not making an arrest.”

+++++“You could keep it yourself, but then you’d never be able to use it because if it’s hot–”

+++++“You’d be charged with using a stolen gun.”

+++++“You could try to get rid of it, but what if you didn’t get all your fingerprints off it?”

+++++“You weren’t wearing gloves when you used it?”

+++++“I wasn’t using it, shithead. I relieved it from a gentleman who was pointing it at me. I didn’t think to ask him to wait while I put on gloves.”

+++++“I thought this was a hypothetical.”

+++++“A hypothetical gentleman.”

+++++“This guy would have to be hypothetical to point a gun at you. I mean look at you. No offense, but you’re huge.”

+++++“He didn’t get a good look at me before he pulled the gun.”

+++++“How’d he pull a gun on you without getting a good look at you?”

+++++“He did it from the side.”

+++++“So he just sidled up beside you and pulled a gun?”

+++++“Where did you learn the word sidled?”

+++++“I read it in a Mickey Spillane book.”

+++++“No, he didn’t sidle. He was a hitchhiker I picked up. I was trying to be nice.”

+++++“And he gets in the car and pulls a gun on you?”

+++++“Yep. He didn’t really look at me till he pulled out the gun and told me to give him my wallet.”

+++++“What kind of gun?”

+++++“What do you think, what kind of gun? A revolver. You think he’s going to pull a rifle on me from the passenger seat?”

+++++“Really, a revolver? Not a Glock?”

+++++“I guess he’s an old-fashioned criminal. It was an old-fashioned revolver, too.”

+++++“So he pulled a revolver on you. What did you do?”

+++++“I took it away from him. I think I broke his thumb in the process.”

+++++“Why do you think that?”

+++++“Because I heard a bone crunch and he yelled ‘You broke my thumb, motherfucker!’ before he exited my car.”

+++++“Damn.”

+++++“I think he was jonesing for drugs or something. He was all twitchy.”

+++++“Sounds like my cousin Al. He goes too long without molly, he gets twitchy.”

+++++“Does your cousin Al rob random strangers at gunpoint?”

+++++“I don’t think so, but it wouldn’t surprise me. He disappeared with a lot of stuff from my aunt’s house a few days ago.”

+++++“He sounds like a peach.”

+++++“A true hypothetical gentleman. So what did you do with the gun?”

+++++“Nothing yet. Here it is.”

+++++“That’s a Smith & Wesson Model 10. My uncle had one of those. Said he used it in the Vietnam War.”

+++++“They used revolvers in the Vietnam War?”

+++++“That’s what he said. Of course, he coulda been full of shit. He also said he carved eight notches on the grip. One for every commie he killed.”

+++++“This one has eight notches on the grip.”

+++++“Holy shit. I think that’s my dead uncle’s gun.”

+++++“Which means–”

+++++“My drug addict cousin stole it from my aunt and tried to rob you with it.”

+++++“Damn. So I guess I know what to do with the gun. It belongs to your aunt.”

+++++“She only kept it as a memento of my uncle, but yeah, I’m sure she’d like it back.”

+++++“Well, let’s go take it to her.”

+++++“OK, but first I want to make a stop.”

+++++“Where?”

+++++“The shitty apartment complex where my cousin buys his drugs. That’s probably where he is.”

+++++“To use the gun on him?”

+++++“No, to show it to him. Let him know he can’t get away with taking the gun and God only knows what else from my aunt.”

+++++“Is it OK with you if I break his other thumb?”

+++++“Knock yourself out.”

The End

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Darrell Grizzle

Darrell Grizzle

Darrell Z. Grizzle is a former parole officer who now works as a counselor in private practice. He writes horror and crime fiction in Marietta, Georgia, where he lives with two cats and way too many books. His fiction publications include The Bag in the Corner at Shotgun Honey (May 2016) and a horror story in an upcoming anthology.
Darrell Grizzle

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