You Were Made For Me

She’s here again. I knew she was coming. My computer told me. When I switched on, I got the message right away. PC, Pat Connors, perfect cunt.
+++++And here she is. Banging on the door. She won’t go away, even though I’m hiding behind the curtains, not moving a muscle.
+++++She’s shouting through the letterbox. Her words rattle on the vinyl floor, bumping against the walls – big words that crash in the small space.
+++++“LEAVE HIM ALONE.”
+++++That makes me smile. I know what that means. LOVE HIM ALWAYS. I know she doesn’t really want him. She wants me to take him away.
+++++There’s a little silence. She rattles the letterbox.
+++++“I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE YOU BITCH.”
+++++She must be bending down now, peering through the flap, looking in my hall to see where her words went. I wish I had a long, hot poker to shove in her eyes, or, better still, to stick in her shouting mouth.
+++++In the kitchen, I switch on the radio to drown out her noise. I’m fed up listening to her. I don’t care anymore if she hears me. I know Chris will go mad when he finds out she’s been coming here, causing trouble. I know this because on the radio, Cilla Black is singing, ‘You’re My World.’ It’s a message from Chris. The words are beautiful and the title is my initials, Yvonne May Waterhouse. See? It’s too much of a coincidence, isn’t it?
+++++I like the old records. That modern stuff, it’s all dance music, loud, toneless sex, sex, sex. I like romance. 10cc is one of my favourite groups. There’s another coincidence, cc, Chris Connors, and its ten years since we first met.
+++++I always knew he was made for me, although I kept it to myself for ages. It was only three years ago that I plucked up the courage to tell him, but all that time, I never changed, I never wanted anyone else.
+++++All my life there have been little messages, in songs, in things people say, objects I pick up or look at.
+++++She’s gone away now. When I think of all the trouble she’s caused, trying to keep me and Chris apart, it’s a miracle I can restrain myself from running out and killing her.
+++++It was all her fault that I had to leave a good job at the hospital. I’d been ward manager at the general for three years and when Chris came to work on my ward, he was the best staff nurse, I’d had. I knew, that first day, that he was the one, but I didn’t let that interfere with my work, whatever they say.
+++++There had been other men before, of course, but I knew someone special was going to come. I was sorry to find out that Chris was married, he hadn’t waited for me the way I’d waited for him, but I knew everything would turn out all right in the end.
+++++He was shy at first, but gradually we got to know each other well as we worked together and I just bided my time until one day it happened just the way I’d always known it would.
+++++Even then, although we couldn’t get enough of each other, Chris was always a gentleman. Those filthy things she said, still says, make me sick – things Chris would never do. Ours is a pure love.
+++++We spent every spare minute together. Until she started to cause bother and that’s when it all went wrong. Oh, the lies that woman told. She made Chris lie too. I knew he didn’t mean it, he was just no match for that scheming bitch.
+++++I could see the longing in his eyes, even when he told me he didn’t want to see me any more. I went off shift that night devastated but as I was getting in my car, I heard two women talking in the car park.
+++++“He doesn’t mean it dear,” one said to the other. I knew it was a message for me and as I pulled into the town square, I saw the lights of the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, (Kisses From Chris) and the car radio started playing Freddie Mercury singing, ‘Carry on, carry on, nothing really matters.’ What could I do?
+++++I only went round to Chris’s house to try and talk to PC but that woman is just so unreasonable. She just wouldn’t understand how fate had brought Chris and I together. I knew it wasn’t Chris who sent the police round to my flat, I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. It was Pathetic Cow, and that policeman, Detective Constable Devil’s Claw, Clever Dick. He said I threatened her with a knife. It was just a letter opener I found in my pocket. I had to use it to stop her jamming my fingers in the door.
+++++There was a big stink at the hospital after that. They made Chris say he couldn’t work with me any more. They said I was sick. They told me to take some time off. Everything was hushed up of course but they wouldn’t let me back on my ward. In the end, I resigned and ended up as the matron at this grotty little nursing home.
+++++I couldn’t see Chris at the hospital and I couldn’t go to the house but I had to let him know that I was still there for him so I tried to ring up instead but PC changed the number after a bit and Clever Dick came round again. Lucky I’d always used a call box so they couldn’t prove it was me.
+++++The last few days I’ve waited for him outside the hospital or outside his house but he won’t talk to me because she’s always watching. That’s why she’s been here today, trying to get me through the letterbox.
+++++Time goes better for me at work. Even though this job is a bit of a come down, we’re always busy and I can almost forget about not seeing Chris and having to put up with PC and her trouble-causing. I’ve always loved my job, holding people’s lives in my hands. I don’t know how I’d manage without it.
+++++But today, just in the quiet time after lunchtime medications, just when I was settling down for a quick cup of tea and a sandwich, the police came – here, to my place of work. How everyone stared. And a detective inspector no less, smooth in a dark suit with a soft, round face.
+++++He said someone had tried to kill PC – pushed her in front of a car on the High Street. At first I was so excited that I didn’t really think about what he was saying. All I could see was Chris and me together and an empty space where PC was no more, but his next words crashed into my brain.
+++++“Luckily she wasn’t seriously injured, broken wrist…..bruises…..shock.”
+++++I looked at DI. His eyes were cold and flat like a lizard’s, like the Devil Incarnate. He reminded me of that day, the one I never told about. The suit…it scratched my skin… and the smiling face with the flat, cold eyes….just like this. Funny how a complete stranger can just come up dressed in a suit and a smile and take everything away from you. It was hot that day. I got off the train, cutting through the fields to Aunty Rita’s house…the tall grass scratching my legs, then the smile and the suit scratching…then he took the smile off and I saw his real face… so close up….later it was the only thing I remembered.
+++++DI wanted to hurt me too, make everything dirty, everything that is sweet and good between me and Chris.
+++++“What’s all this got to do with me?”
+++++He laughed tonelessly. “Perhaps you could tell me where you were this morning, between say ten thirty and eleven o’clock?”
+++++“My shift started at nine.” I squared my shoulders.
+++++He was disappointed, I could tell. The staff nurse and the auxiliary backed me up. They’d been so busy they hadn’t noticed when I slipped out. It took so little time. I knew what time PC left for work and the route she took. I wanted to laugh out loud when I saw how his face fell. He got up to leave, looked at me like he wanted to call me a liar but I just looked right back. There wasn’t a thing he could do.
+++++After he’d gone, I went into the staff room to make a fresh cup of tea. The room was empty. My hands were shaking as I put on the kettle and got my cup. The trailing rhythms of a blues song flowed out of the radio. I listened to the suffering in the voice, in the notes and chords of the guitar and suddenly, I knew I’d had enough.
+++++“That was ‘Killing The Blues’ by Blind Boy Williams,” said the DJ.
+++++Killing the Blues – it was a message for Detective Inspector Lizard Eyes, DI – Death Instantaneous.
+++++“Mrs Smith needs her insulin,” the auxiliary called me from my reverie. Was it tea-time already? I went into the stock room, unlocked the medicine cupboard, started drawing up the injection. I looked down at the syringe – DI – Death Instantaneous. My eyes slid over the rows of vials – Cubic Centimetres – Chris Connors.
+++++I took two vials. Enough was enough. DI and PC. Their harassment was about to end. PC was still in the hospital. I would have to be careful. Careful and quick. DI first, then PC. After that Chris and I would be together always. I knew I wouldn’t get caught. After all, look at this morning. I could get away with anything. I picked up the phone and called the police station.
+++++“Could I speak to Detective Inspector Pearson?” I asked confidently. “There’s something I need to see him about.”

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Carol Fenlon
Carol Fenlon is a freelance writer and creative writing tutor and mentor. She also writes short stories and her first novel, Consider The Lilies, the story of a feral child and part of her PhD thesis in Creative Writing from Edge Hill University won the Impress Novel Prize 2007 and was published in 2008 by Impress books. Carol’s short stories have appeared in many small press and mainstream magazines. She lives in Skelmersdale, Lancashire and can be found at www.carolfenlon.com .
Carol Fenlon

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4 thoughts on “You Were Made For Me”

  1. You kept this one quiet, Carol; I love it! Really well thought out, love all the music, initials and remark connections. I really like the delusional thoughts. Great piece!

  2. stories should do something
    – make you breathe harder
    – make you admire the authentic voice
    – make you feel it is the truth, the whole truth and…etc
    – make you forget about the boring life going on outside
    and take you for a ten minute swirl on a verbal white knuckle
    ride like a certain Ms. Carol Fenlon just did.

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