Friday nights were always the best. Not because it was the end of the work week, but because it was the day my girl and me would go out. She was five feet, ten inches of fiery redhead and I knew every inch of her like the back of my hand. From her ginger bangs down to those little piggies sticking out of her feet, I loved her the way a junkie loves smack. I could never get enough of my Marie.
We’d see each other during the week: long stares, awkward waves, maybe even the occasional text or note.
But nothing beat Fridays.
We’d catch a flick, grab a bite to eat, and go back home for a little fun. It was routine, but whoever said that routine had to be joyless?
The big hand struck five and I was outta the office before anyone could even say TGIF. Traffic wasn’t horrible for weekend rush-hour, which was a plus. It would give me more time to prepare. The trip home ended up taking thirty minutes instead of the usual forty-five, a near miracle. I bounded up the stairs and went straight to the bedroom. The closet was full of different options, most either business casual or smart casual. After careful deliberation, I decided to go for the Steve Jobs look. One black turtle-neck and a pair of jeans later, I was all ready for the big night.
The timer went off, reminding me that it was exactly five minutes before date time. I put on a pair of thin-rimmed glasses, sans prescription lenses, and headed down to the garage. I backed the Volvo out and parked it on the curb. Just then Marie walked out of her house. She was stunning as always, wearing a tight, little, blue number held up by spaghetti straps and those big tits of hers.
God, how I wanted her.
Just as the blood started to head down my body, a Cadillac pulled up.
“Brad.” The word came out more as a curse then the statement of someone’s name, but it was true. Brad was a blight, a parasite on the world that couldn’t die soon enough. As usual, Marie greeted the bastard with a kiss and stepped into the passenger seat of his Caddy. I took a deep breath. Brad was the un-bleachable skid-mark of my Fridays, always lingering. But just like underpants, no one said that a little skid-mark could ruin the whole thing. Skid-mark peeled out and I followed him at a safe distance.
Dinner was a real delight. Marie loved this little Italian joint off of I-80 and always insisted on a cozy table for two under the crystal chandelier. A few minutes after the hostess got them seated, I acquired a little booth near the bar. A server approached my booth and asked me what I wanted to drink.
“Michelob Ultra.” Like Marie, I preferred light beers.
“You want that in a glass?” the server asked me.
“No. Just the bottle”
She scribbled something down in her notepad and waddled off.
Marie sat at the table with a hand under her chin. I stole a look at her and then buried my nose in the menu. When you were in the kind of situation that I was in, you couldn’t just stare with your tongue out like a dog on a hot day. Sooner or later she would sense my look and that would be it.
The server returned with a bottle of Ultra and placed it down on the table. “What do you want?” she asked.
Marie threw back her head and laughed, revealing a great shot of her cleavage. I grabbed the bottle by the neck and took a drink. I wiped my mouth and noticed that the server was still there, looking at me like I had three heads. “Veal.” I put the bottle down. “The veal parmesan.”
Next was the movie. Some Jennifer Anniston, rom-com piece of shit. But, Marie liked it and that was all that mattered. She was laughing so much, I was afraid she might choke on her Reese’s Pieces, which I would’ve gotten too had it not been for my damn peanut allergy. But like Marie, I made sure to get a medium diet coke. I was sitting a few rows back from her in-between a couple of bored, old forty-somethings. Yet even in the back of a darkened theater, I could still see those gorgeous red locks and that was all I needed.
The movie got out about quarter after ten. I followed Marie and douche-nozzle at a reasonable distance until they got into the car. I head straight for the Volvo and followed them home. After they parked and went inside, I bolted into the house. Marie, like a great performer, always saved the best for last and not even ole skid-mark could ruin the fun. I got up to my room and peered into the high-powered binoculars near my window. Marie and ass-face went straight up to the bedroom and started getting frisky. Fuck-stain ripped off his blazer and Marie popped right out of her tight, little, blue dress.
The blood started rushing to my crotch and my grip on the binoculars tightened.
Just as I was about to unzip my jeans and join in the fun, there was a ringing.
I lowered the binoculars and turned around.
The landline on the nightstand next to my bed was blinking.
It rang again.
I put down the binoculars and hobbled over to the phone. Just as I approached, it rang again.
I picked up the handset and jammed it back into the cradle.
I turned around and rushed to get back into the fun.
The phone rang again.
I went to the landline and picked up the handset. “Who the fuck is this?”
My blood was practically boiling. “Alright, buddy you’re interrupting me at something very important.”
“I know. You look like you got a real handful.” The voice sounded refined, yet taunting, like a prep-school bully whose dad owned half the town.
I snorted. “Okay, pal. I’m hanging up now.”
“Tell me, did you get the circumcision after you saw that Brad was cut?” the voice giggled. “You must really want to impress Marie. Few men would trim their tip for a girl who doesn’t even know they exist.”
My heart dropped into my stomach. He knew. He knew everything. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh but I’m sure that you do. You got circumcised after you saw how much Kathy just loved Brad’s piece.”
“I’m just getting started.” There was a deep breath. “It’s been quite fun watching you, you know. You’re so deliciously pathetic. It’s a real turn-on. But now, I’ve grown bored and I think it’s time we wrapped this up.”
The phone went dead and the lights went off. Before I could even gasp, I felt a rag go over my mouth.
I regained full consciousness slowly, but surely. My hands were bound and I felt like I had the worst case of hemorrhoids ever. The realization of what had just transpired hit me like a bucket of water.
“God, that was every bit as good as I thought it was going to be.”
It was the voice from the phone. He slapped the back of my head and ran a hand through my hair. “Now that I have that out my system, there’s only one thing left to do.”
He pushed me on my back and got on top of me. His face was boyish; accented with green eyes and crowned with coal-black hair. The jade-daggers stared deep into my eyes.
“I can think of no better way to do this.” He grabbed a black shopping bag and stuck his hand inside. “Nothing like a little personal touch.” He grabbed a hold of the contents and threw away the bag.
“Oh God, no.”
“Oh God, yes.” His fingers were wrapped around a jar of Skippy’s Extra Crunchy and a spoon.
He screwed off the top and dropped it on the floor.
“Please, no. Just fucking shoot me or something.”
“Where’d be the fun in that?” He ripped the paper top off and stuffed his nose in the jar. “MMMM, smells like PB and J, the way mom used to make it.”
The smell filled my nostrils and I could feel every particle. It was in the air, like a poison gas. I closed my mouth and stopped breathing.
“C’mon. Don’t act like that.” He grabbed my cheeks and pinched my nose. “Open wide and say aahhhh.”
I held out for as long as I could. My lungs burned. Every second felt like a century and the smile on his face grew larger.
I couldn’t take it.
I sucked in some air and he jammed the Skippy-laced spoon in my mouth. The deathly ooze spread into the gaps between my teeth and immersed my gums. The infected saliva trickled down my throat, turning it into an inferno. He let go of my nose, grabbed my cheeks and closed them in around the handle.
My tongue swelled and my airways began to constrict. Every breath was shorter and shorter, despite the fast flaring of my nostrils.
“That’s it,” he said through clenched teeth. “Take it. Love it.”
My flesh turned to crimson blotches and the skin around my eyes swelled. Millimeter by millimeter, my sight eroded. The room disappeared and all I could see was that boyish face and seconds later, even that faded. All I could see were the eyes. Those green eyes.