Category Archives: Sonia Kilvington

Entry 4 – Deadly Desire

Listen instead!
Listen instead!

How did it all start – the first time I kill a guy? I’m joking, seriously!
+++++Okay, so I met him in a bar. It’s easy to judge, especially with the way things turned out, but at the time it happened, I was single and so was he; I mean that’s what he told me, anyway. He was so cute, not like in TV commercial kind of a way, but I’m sure you understand that it’s hard to describe exactly what you like about someone? His hair was short and dark and his eyes reminded me of the pool at the apartments where I lived. They had left the pool unattended all summer, until it turned a fabulous shade of green. I was fascinated by the color and I searched on the internet until I found the exact shade – verdigris! Which is like rusty copper, only copper doesn’t actually rust- you can’t trust all the crap they tell you on the internet. But his eyes were amazing all the same…
+++++So we got talking and I took him back to a cheap motel I knew, just outside of town. Less obvious than my apartment and you must remember at this point I had no intension of hurting him, in fact I got a few bruises myself. Still, as this story goes, everything was fine, exceptionally fine in fact, for the first few dates – if you could call them that- until one night, on date five or six, I forget exactly, he brought this scrawny red-head into our motel room with him… and what did he expect me to say about that … seriously?
+++++I had seen her before in Walmart, and she just looked so bargain basement, which is as much as you need to know. And it wasn’t so much that he had brought her into the room which I had paid for; some men can be weird, creepy even, and I know that, but, her outfit… ugh! It was so cheap! She had this totally ugly leopard print scarf that looked like it was 100% viscose – not even a blend. And I thought what the hell – why has he brought her here? And in my defense, I really believed that me and Jack had something unique and kind of special going on, at the time.
+++++I looked at her and thought, yeah right. So many men share this really sad fantasy and, maybe I should have seen it coming. I wasn’t into girls and I could see from her expression that she disliked the idea of it even more than I did. She looked kind of desperate though, so I was intrigued. When Jack got in the shower, I asked quietly, “What the hell are you doing here?” It was a genuine question – I wasn’t joking. She glared back shiftily, like she was trying to work out if she could trust me or not, and then she whispered something into my ear. I was a little shocked, but it did sound like it could be fun, so when I heard Jack open the shower door I took hold of one end of her ugly, viscose scarf and Casey took hold of the other. We hadn’t planned it exactly; but it felt right, and it’s not as if anyone could hear or that Jack would report us to the cops or anything. It was supposed to be a bit of a laugh. We never meant to kill him; just scare him a little. If you had seen the look on his face though, it was classic. We just got a little carried away that was all. How were we supposed to know he would have some sort of asthma attack?
+++++But it turned out that Casey did know about Jack’s asthma. She wasn’t just some random he had picked up for the night either. She already had a baby by Jack and the little kid was very ill. Casey told me later that the baby needed medical treatment, she had no money and Jack had refused to pay for it. Casey was desperate about the kid and had made an agreement with Jack, that if she participated tonight, he would cough up and pay. Although personally, I doubted he would have ever paid as Jack was tighter than two coats of paint. I knew this for a fact as he had not paid his share of the motel room bills, a couple of times. He always promised that he would pay me back later, but he never did. It was when I found out about the kid that I lost all respect for him. So when Casey offered the the end of the scarf I took it. I didn’t realize that Casey already had a plan of her own.
+++++So as it turned out, Jacks death was put down to misadventure. It was the asthma attack that killed him, although you know I did feel a little guilty that me and Casey had set it off.  But the good news is that little Duane is doing fine now; thanks for asking. Once he got the right meds the little guy recovered pretty fast. Of course there were those that sneered at Casey for getting the meds paid for the way she did. They were saying in town that she got over friendly with the pediatrician – but what good mother wouldn’t, given the circumstances?
+++++At Duane’s christening (I was touched when Casey asked me to be his Godmother and I’m taking the responsibility very seriously) during the ceremony, when I held his little body and this tiny hand crept out from under the shawl and gripped my finger, real tight; somehow it felt like a bond had grown between the three of us. Make no mistake, I still missed Jack and the nights at the motel, but this was different, something really special, and I felt proud; I just hoped that if he knew, Jack didn’t mind…