Category Archives: Linda Angel

Will’s A Dish

Listen instead!
Listen instead!

Me sisters are weird and absofuckinglutely deplorable, not unlike tonight’s tri-aspect weather: Thunder, Lightning, and Rain, named for our individual charms, s’pose. And on this, the night of the lunar eclipse, we three meet again.
+++++Inside, it’s utterly rank. The food in this hovel’s disgusting, which isn’t particularly surprising considering the peculiar tastes of t’other two. I’ve got a pretty straightforward diet, like, but they go in for all kinds of weird shit. I spotted one o’the old ‘ags thunderin’ around the place this mornin’, stompin’ with ‘er enormous size twelve clod’oppers, not even tryin’a be quiet, filleting a fucking snake. Nice.
+++++Sure, the hissy little shits are easy to come by – it’s reptile central round ‘ere – but still…snake on a plate? Even the idea gives me gobvomit.
+++++But yeah – sis is ALWAYS cooking weird shit. Bake and boil, boil and bake – the whole place fuckin’ stinks of what used to be life. And she were always the smart one – not that y’d know it.
+++++Take today, right – there were a charmed little pot of something or other boiling away on t’stove, and when I unlidded the bloody thing, its contents eyeballed me right back. And this: in ocular concoctions, eyes don’t bother sinkin’ – there, in the thick and slabbish gruel, floated at least a dozen of the little buggers. A gift from six dead bovines, prob’ly, although two ‘balls looked different than t’rest. She were boilin’ it down, she said, to reduce it for summit she were makin’ later. But I didn’t fancy ‘angin’ around and had to politely decline: “fuck that ‘ell-broth shit. I’m off for a burger.”
+++++So I took meself down to t’local junk food dive instead. Ended up with Macbreath.
+++++I never went in for any of that eyebally or offally shite meself. I don’t wanna be served mashed brain, liver sausage, or bowels in a bowl. Regular muscle-cuts’ll do for me, thank you very much; a tender cut of rump, maybe. And call me picky, but Eyeball stew? I don’t really want me food to look back at me, thank you very much. What would it see in any case?
+++++The other ‘ag keeps herself to herself, except she does drip on over occasionally to stir the shit every now and again. And together, although it’s a bit odd, the three of us actually do get along, despite our differences.
+++++We only really ever had one thing in common, like: a bloke. I always reckoned ‘e were ok, if not a little grubby, but as it turns out, William were a bit of a twat to me sister.  Cheating all over the place, ‘e even had a go of me bezzie mate once, being utterly unable to keep it in his kecks ‘n’ all.
+++++Speakin’ o’which, whilst it were out, you could tell the bugger were Jewish. I never quite understood the goddy thing, being that all ‘e did were rant about ‘ow shite religion were, how stinky the planet, and how fucked its people. ‘e had no god; ‘e can’t have done, blaspheming all over the place like ‘e did.
+++++There were a thing, though – as soon as ‘e ‘ooked up with ‘er, he ‘ooked up wi’ me. There were just something about Will once ‘e belonged to another – ‘e were so much more attractive when ‘e were someone else’s. And proppa fit, ‘e were – I couldn’t say no to that, despite ‘ow much of a twat ‘e were.
+++++It’s ‘ard seein’ ‘em together, though. ‘e were ’ere last night in’t kitchen with ‘er, I ‘eard ‘em clatterin’ and bangin’. Wi’me, e’s kinda quiet and sits back, y’know, enjoyin’ it. Funny tho’, when ‘e’ s with ‘er, I realised last night, ‘e screams. ‘e disappeared ‘fore I could sneak a midnight bit with ‘im in’t back lounge: our fuckroom of choice. But I’ll ‘ave ‘im tonight instead.
+++++I still can’t believe she hasn’t figured it out. Me and ‘e will always have chemistry. e’ll always be a part of me. I can still feel him inside me from last time ‘e were’ere.
+++++This is the night of the lunar eclipse. And as’t sun aligns wi’ earth and our Moon, some things fade into’t shadows.
+++++The moonlight highlights a pie on’t windowledge. She made it just for me! She says it’s just rewards for our sisterhood, bless her. It seems firm and good – I might go and grab a slice.
+++++“Be sure to let it cool” she says. “That’s a dish best served cold”.
+++++I’ll ‘ave it tonight instead.