Category Archives: Peter DiChellis

A Guy Walks Into a Bar

Lemme buy you a drink. God knows I need another one. And then I’ll tell you a story. Stop me if you’ve heard it before.
++++A guy walks into a bar. Looks around, sees just one customer, a drunk sleeping in a back booth. So the guy pulls a gun, screams at the bartender, “Gimme the fuckin’ money.” Bartender plays cool, pauses a beat, opens the cash register.
++++But then two more customers mosey in. Both off-duty cops. This distracts the robber, and the bartender grabs a gun from under the bar.
++++Now the robber gets the shakes, launches into a hot sweat. A big glob trickles down his nose. He yells, “Eat shit sideways,” and everybody starts shooting, except the drunk in the back booth, who’s snoring like a goddamn buzz saw.
++++The robber’s lookout man, a little prick with a pig-eye squint, finally stumbles in, and he starts shooting too. Soon enough, everybody’s dead. Except the drunk in the back booth, who’s still laid out. He rouses, and eyeballs what happened. You got stiffs on the floor, blood on the walls, and gun smoke in the air.
++++So he rolls out of the back booth, staggers to the open cash register, and takes the money. He sneaks down the street, walks into a different bar. He buys a drink, slips into a booth, and falls asleep. Then he wakes up, buys a couple more drinks, and tells one helluva story.
++++Ever hear it before? Well, it happened. And I know. Because I was the drunk pretending to be asleep in the back booth.